The Night Everyone With Facebook Has Been Wondering About.

Warsaw clubbing night.

But as we are supposed to save the best for last, you get to hear about our lovely first full day back in Warsaw first. :)

The apartment Steve and I are staying at in Warszawa this time is right downtown - only a few blocks from the train station, the mall, and most importantly, the fan zone! Whoo. Steve and I went on a long walk from the city center, through Old Town, out to National Stadium (which we saw from a distance when we stayed with dear Anna the first time we came through Warszawa, but never actually went to), and back to Old Town for lunch. As pictures are far more interesting to all of you (especially after having to read that giant "Perspectives" post), I will indulge you:

And yes, that poster is for a soccer-themed cabaret performance, in honor of EURO2012. I wish I could've gotten us tickets. :(

And now- the moment those of you with Facebook have all been waiting for.

(I am referring, of course, to Steve's vague status that went something along the lines of "o man, went "clubbing" last night, where to even begin....." or something like that.)

So.

Clubbing in Warsaw.

We had asked Anna, who we stayed with a few weeks ago, if she wanted to meet up for dinner/drinks since we had a very low-key visit with her last time and were ready to get a taste of Warszawa nightlife. We planned to meet up at the Sigmundus statue in Old Town and go from there.

As we were walking down the street leading to the main square in Old Town, flurries of bicyclists were rushing by! It was what Steve and Anna called a "critical mass", which is where tons of bicyclists get together and ride through a pre-determined route. Some people are in costume, some people have boomboxes, and it is a giant social bike-riding event.

And guess where the ending convergence point for this "critical mass" was?

That's right. Sigmundus statue.

We thought we were never going to find Anna! But thankfully, the riders were meeting on one side of the column and Anna was waiting on the other. Anna led us to a quieter section of Old Town and eventually we sat down at a restaurant to drink, chat, and plan the night.

After we left the restaurant (where we tried Poland's popular bison grass vodka), Anna dropped Steve and me off at a "shot bar" which is a bar with a limited food menu while she went off in search of an ATM. She ordered us shots of Poland's other popular flavored vodka, cherry vodka, and two popular Polish bar snacks: Polish sausage in a mustardy, cheesy kind of sauce, and.... STEAK TARTARE.

What is with our continuing trend of eating raw meat???

Yeah, I don't know either.

I had a mild case of deja vu when the steak tartare was brought out.

The steak tartare I expected, or the way it is typically prepared in the States, should have been raw beef cut into small dice and molded into a small circle, topped with a raw egg and garnished with onion and maybe some other veges.

The tartare we received was ground and looked like a hamburger patty.

I wish we'd had the camera with us, because the layout was really quite beautiful, with a quail egg atop freshly ground beef (so it looked and so I hoped) and three piles set in lines of diced pickled onions, pickled garlic, and pickled cucumber, with toast points. The flavor was very mild and a bit buttery. Once I got over the fact that last week I was eating raw bacon and now I was eating a raw hamburger, it was actually very enjoyable. I was just sooooooooo confused about the presentation, although after looking it up, steak tartare seems to be served in this manner quite often. Just not in the States, I guess. Too much food safety regulation or something.

When Anna made it back to us, she mentioned that she has been talking with two German guys that she met via CouchSurfing, and that they wanted to go clubbing. Steve and I are usually up for anything and we had yet to really go out during our trip so far, so we agreed to join in on the fun. (Plus I was wearing the new dress I bought in an attempt to relieve my depression for leaving a well-loved dress in Kiev :( ) Once we agreed, Anna basically said "Great! I already have a taxi waiting outside." Awesome! And so the night REALLY began.

We headed first to the Praga District, which is where Anna lives and which is across the river from the city center. The three of us went into a club that was NOT bumpin' for a few minutes, then left. I think we did this twice more before we finally met up with the German guys and got to a club that was a bit more lively. As a group, we did a round of the third flavor of Polish vodka that Anna said everyone who visits must try: bitter stomach vodka, which is a kind of herbal vodka that is supposed to settle the stomach.

Then we went upstairs to dance.

Having done my fair share of clubbing in the States, let me enlighten those of you who aren't familiar with the American clubbing experience:

#1) The DJ will play a bunch of different songs, some of which will be repeated later on in the night, and most of which will be turned into some kind of remix that follows no set beat and is really hard to dance to. They will, however, not play LMFAO at all, which is stupid because I'm sure everyone remembers THIS.


#2) All good-looking girls who are not attached to dudes are automatically brought in to the front of the line, and typically do not pay a cover charge. Any guy in line, whether he is with a girl or not (and most especially if he's not), will have to pay anywhere from $20-100 cover charge.

#3) All of the girls in the club will be dressed to the nines, dancing their asses off and trying to make all the boys drool. Most of those boys, however, will be creepers who don't really like dancing and instead use "dancing", aka grinding up on some girl without her permission, as a means to get laid.

#4) People will all dance in groups because everyone is too self-conscious to let go and become one with the music.

#5) You will not find a cocktail for under $15.

#6*) This applies mostly just to bigger clubs in Los Angeles or Las Vegas: You will be packed in like sardines and rather than dancing, you will instead just get crushed by mobs of sweaty people. At least one person will get a little too crazy and spill their drink all over you, at least one girl will stab you in the foot with her stilettos, and unless you get bottle service, there is absolutely nowhere for you to sit. Except the sticky floor.

#7*) This applies to California only, not Las Vegas where there are no rules: the clubs/bars/everywhere are legally prohibited from serving alcohol after 2am. So this means that at 1:45am for last call, the bar is packed full of people trying to get watered down, over-priced drinks, and at about 2:30am, the club starts playing realllllllly crappy music so that everyone goes home because if they aren't serving alcohol, they aren't making any money.


Please keep all these factors in mind as I describe our clubbing experience in Warsaw.

We went into a room where people were dancing to music with no lyrics, which was fine with us. There was plenty of room for everyone, so we were all able to dance however we wanted. That in itself was awesome - I am all about being able to get my groove on without running into a bunch of other people. Looking around, hardly anyone was dancing with another person - most were dancing in a group circle, like we were, or dancing by themselves. And EVERYONE was dancing! No one was standing around awkwardly instead of dancing, no one was trying to creep up on the girls, and no one seemed to notice anyone else. Everyone was absorbed in their own little world of music and dancing - which is awesome after going to clubs in the States where everyone is looking around at what everyone else is doing.

At some point, we all sat down on a group of couches, and at some point Steve and our new German friend Holger each bought the group a round of shots. Being in Poland, we must, after all, do as the Polish do. Nas drovia!

At some point, Steve went back to the dance floor with Anna, where she taught him Polish dancing which, based on Steve's description, sounds a bit similar to swing, while I stayed with the Germans and we all discussed the best places to visit in Germany. And then suddenly it was four o'clock in the morning! What?! It's 4am, they're still serving alcohol, and Anna says it's time to move to another club!

So we go outside to grab some taxis and.… IT'S LIGHT OUTSIDE!!!!!

WHAT?! It's 4am!!! Why is the sun already out??? It had just gone down when we met up with Anna at 10pm!

As we are trying to figure out how the sun could possibly be up already, Anna hails two taxis (since the five of us can't fit into one) and ushers Steve and me into the first one after telling the driver where to go. Our taxi ride instantly becomes hilarious when the taxi driver, in very basic English, excitedly tells us that he has been to the States before! Apparently he has family in north Carolina. Never having been to NC before, Steve and I couldn't really relate, and we spent the rest of the drive trying to compare California to both NC and Poland, which is doubly entertaining because half the time, we are just trying to guess what the taxi driver is telling us.

We make it to the next club, which Anna warns us is a little more expensive for cover charge because it's a more popular club, and which is only a few blocks from our apartment! Sweet, we can just walk home later!

This is where things start to get silly.

We go in, and it is more crowded than the last club, but nowhere near Marquee-Cosmopolitan-Vegas-crowded, which I am so thankful for. And we get our dance on.

The entire time we're there, the DJ is playing music WITH THE SAME BEAT.

This makes it easy to get into a rhythm and keep it, I guess, but every time Steve and I made eye contact, we would start cracking up because we were basically dancing to the same song the whole time. Even when the DJ would pause to add a little "DJ signature" to the music, it still sounded the same! Not to mention that everyone here dances like a fool. I wish I could describe it better than that. Everyone is dancing to a different beat and everyone looks like a goof. Which is awesome, because I'm sure I look like a goof when I dance too. Maybe this is why the clubs here are better than in the States - people really are there just to dance and don't care if they look like Berlin's Techno Viking (type that into Youtube and you'll get what I mean) because they don't care if they impress anyone or not.

So after another two hours of dancing like a fool and laughing because everyone else is too, Steve and I decide to call it quits because it is now six in the morning and we need some sleep! We say our last goodbyes to Anna because we probably won't see each other again before we leve Warszawa in two days, and after lots of hugs and Euro-kisses and well wishes and lots of words that I'm sure none of us could hear over the steady boomsha-boomsha-boomsha of the music, Steve and I make it out the door.

And into BRIGHT SUNSHINE!!!!!

As a result, we stumble back to our apartment partly because I'm still a little tipsy and partly because we are laughing too hard at how strange that whole experience was, and reveling in how much fun the night turned out to be. We debate on whether we want to stay up another hour and go get some breakfast, but eventually we end up just falling into bed and sleeping until three o'clock in the afternoon.

And this whole night of sillyness and debauchery, which included four or five drinks each, food, a round of vodka shots for the group, cover charge to two clubs, two taxi rides, and lots of fond memories, only cost us ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS.

That's right. A hundred bucks for eight hours of Varsovian nightlife. Where in the States can you have that much fun and not be broke???

Note to readers: this night was about a thousand times more entertaining and silly than you just read here. We wish you could have joined us. When we come back to Warsaw, and we will, please join us.

Discover Football.

When we were walking around Warsaw, we came aross a little outdoor exhibit called "Discover Football." Intrigued by all things soccer, Steve dragged me over there.

I'm very glad he did.

Discover Football is an organization that was started in Germany that promotes women's football (soccer) all around the world. In many countries, the idea of women's sports is not widely accepted. Discover Football was started as a way to show women that football is not just for men. Football/soccer is a way to empower women in a seemingly small way, through sport, but it also teaches lessons that every women can use in her life.

I spent some time talking with the girls running the exhibit, all of whom are soccer players, and they told me they were doing an exhibition tour through Poland and Ukraine during the men's EURO2012 tournament. They have been spreading the word to the Polish and Ukrainian women that football is a women's sport too, and I think it is a great thing because those countries, along with many others in Europe, do not support women in sport. We had a long discussion over how, in our countries (USA and Germany), it is totally normal for girls to play football/soccer; it is encouraged and hell, our women's teams both do better than the men's teams! And while maybe women's football in the States or in Germany is not given the same respect as men's football, it is still accepted and recognized. But there are so many places in the world where almost no one has that mentality. The Discover Football organization has gone to countries in the Middle East, North Africa, and South America to promote the game. They even hold workshops and mini-tournaments where they can teach women how to play or face the locals teams in friendly games. I was actually invited to join their Discover Football team for a match the following day against the local Warsaw team... I am so sad that I couldn't participate. :(

During this mobile exhibition, the Discover Football girls encourage people to swap out their shoelaces for bright pink laces symbolizing women in sport. So, of course I did.

On one of their displays, there are pictures of women from around the world holding signs with messages like "Learn Through Football" and "Football = Love". The girls working the exhibition asked me to send a message - so I did, of course.

They also asked if I wanted to participate in an interview, and after realizing that these girls and I share the same love of the game, how could I say no?

They asked me basic question at first, like what my name was and where I was from and how long I've played soccer.

Then they got really got into asking me about my love of the game.

One of the first questions I remember them asking is how soccer has changed my life.

Wow. How do I even answer that?

This game seems like such a small thing - it's just a sport, right? No. It's not just a small thing. It's a very big thing composed of many different elements, the most important element being love. Love of the game, love to be shared, love for your team, your town, yourself. Love for the sunshine and the field and the ability to run and jump and kick and move. Love of the power to be whoever you want to be in that moment. Love for life.

Soccer has given me so many things. It has given me a passion that can never be subdued, no matter how long it's been since I last touched a soccer ball. It has given me friendships that will last a lifetime because we are bound together by everything we've put into the game: the love, the laughter, the tears, the sweat, the countless touches on the ball, the team dinners, the trophies, the comebacks, the letdowns, the endless amount of passion we all have for this one thing. It gave me my husband, who I met through the game and continue to bond with through our shared love of something other than each other. It has taught me how to work as a team, how to be a leader, how to step down when my leadership is not needed, how to function as a unit that consists of something other than myself. It helped me find myself in a confusing world. It gives me a place to forget about life for a while and focus only on that which is immediately present: the ball, the field, my team, my body and the way it works. To play soccer is a toast to my good health - and conversely, having to sit out for a year due to current injury (again :( ) has taught me patience and when I come back to the game, it will teach me humility because I will have to start from scratch, getting back into shape and getting my body used to the things I know it can do.

Soccer has had, and continues to have, such a positive effect on my life. I have a new appreciation for being a citizen on the United States because no matter how screwed up things in our country might be, I get to play soccer. I am allowed to play, I am encouraged to play, I am privileged to play. And it's so wonderful and fulfilling for me to be able to be a part of a movement that is slowly taking over the world.

Also, they mentioned that during the summer they hold a big tournament in Berlin - and so far they've never had an American team. So, ladies, who's in???

Sad Day.

Did anyone see the outcome of the Germany v Italy EURO2012 semi-final coming?

We sure didn't.

Boo. No rematch of the EURO2008 final.

Germany v Spain would have made for such a good game.

At least Italy's looking good this year. As Spain has been playing that weird only-midfielders set-up, it will be an interesting final....

PERSPECTIVES: Americans in Ukraine.

To pass the time on the sleeper car from Kiev back to Warsaw (which allowed for very little sleep, since we crossed the Ukrainian border and got the wheels changed at 2am, and had to do passport checks at the Polish border at 3:30am), we conducted interviews on our experience in Ukraine, and made a long list of foods we miss and want to eat immediately upon arrival back in the United States.

The food list is too long, but here are the interview results!

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Question: What did you expect before you went to Ukraine?
STEVE: I expected a lot of war-torn places, people not smiling (since they are reputed as a cold kind of people), the food to be bland, and taxi drivers to cheat us.
MADELINE: I'm not sure, exactly... We had heard some disturbing things about Ukraine in the few weeks leading up to our trip (political prisoners being beaten, stray dogs getting rounded up and killed to clean the cities up, corruption in the police force) but kept our fingers crossed that those things wouldn't be an issue due to Ukraine being under close observation from the world for EURO2012. I had heard from a few different people that it was a beautiful country, but honestly, I didn't really know what to expect.
BILLYBRONCO: I expected mostly workhorses and I didn't think they would be as fashionable as me.

Question: First impressions of Ukraine?
STEVE: The agriculture here is very pretty... lots of fields and cows. There isn't really anything that is war-torn though... But lots of things are poorly constructed.
MADELINE: I feel like I need to break this up into parts because my first impressions of each city were different every time. Kiev, I didn't like it at all. The city seemed dirty, the people seemed unfriendly... In hindsight, maybe I was just experiencing my first-ever bout of culture shock. Kharkiv, I loved it. It was a much more upbeat city, had a lot more trees, and was in general much better organized than Kiev. Donetsk was kind of in the middle - it is a smaller city so it was beautiful but harder to figure out at first.
BILLYBRONCO: I didn't like Kiev... It was all concrete. Kharkiv and Donetsk were better, with more open spaces. The beer here is too strong though, and I felt kind of self-conscious because everyone was staring at me.

Question: What are some of the most noticeable differences, culturally, socially, etc?
STEVE: The people here walk everywhere whereas in the US we drive everywhere. I like that the people here are very intimate with their culture. The US is really too international to have our own culture, so it's nice to see something like this.
MADELINE: The biggest thing for me was the different kind of role women have here. I was probably the only woman in the entire country who wore running shoes. All the women wore dresses or skirts, braided their hair, wore heels or dressy sandals, and it was obvious that none of them were athletes - hardly any muscle on their legs or arms. Ukraine is a country where sports are not viewed as a woman's thing. Being a female athlete from a country where that is completely normal was strange. I felt kind of self-conscious for a while, actually, walking around in jeans and a tshirt while all the other women around me were so dressed up.
Also, no free unlimited water at the dining table is sad too :(
BILLYBRONCO: The people here are always staring at me. People in the United States like me more, probably because they're used to people carrying toy dogs around in purses, so it's not unusual for me to be carried around too. But I don't think anyone here has pets so they don't understand.

Question: What was the most memorable thing about Ukraine, and what is something you wish you could forget?
STEVE: The thing that sticks out most to me is how prevalent Soviet culture still is here: the language (a good portion of Ukraine speaks Russian, not Ukrainian, and they use the same alphabet), the people, the architechture... It is a very young country though (became independent in 1990, so it's younger than we are) and the younger generation seems livelier, happier, more interested in the world... It's interesting to see because they are going through what I think our parents went through in the United States: they can see a better future and they want to shape that for their country, just like our parents have worked to give us a better future. In the States, we already have that bright future, and now we are responsible to hang on to it and pass it on to our kids.
I don't wish I could forget anything - what's the point of living if you forget it all?
MADELINE:  The most memorable thing was definitely being in the EURO2012 fan zone for Ukraine's opening match against Sweden, in which Ukraine came back from a 1-0 deficit to win it. The pride that the Ukrainians had for their country, and the support Ukraine had from people all over the world, was an amazing thing to see.
One thing I wish I could forget? Ugh, there was this one time on the metro on our way back to our hostel after a night at the fan zone in Kharkiv when we sat across from this really gross man wearing a button-up shirt, only all the buttons were undone and he had his fat, incredibly hairy (I'm talking gorilla status here) beer belly hanging out, and he spent the entire ride talking to himself and picking at his scabs. It was disgusting.
STEVE: I amend my earlier statement. Period lady on the train. The baby seatjacking that guy's seat. Basically everything about that train ride from Kharkiv to Kiev, I wish I could forget.
BILLYBRONCO: Best thing was the giant soccerball in Kharkiv! If that man hadn't mentioned to Mommy that I had leapt off her purse, I totally would've been able to go play with it. And those twin grey ponies in Donetsk I will remember forever (but that's all I can tell you about them). The thing I wish I could forget? HOW MOMMY AND DADDY FELL ASLEEP AND LEFT ME UNDERNEATH A BACKPACK NEXT TO THE FREEZING COLD A/C VENT FOR HOURS ON THE TRAIN FROM WARSAW TO KIEV!!!!

Question: Best thing you ate in Ukraine? Worst? Most unusual?
STEVE: Since Maddie probably said Georgian chicken as the best, I'm going with the meat pastries we had in Kiev.. which we later found out was run by Georgian people! No wonder it was so good. Worst was probably all of their salads because they all have way too much cucumber and way too much dill, and I was never a fan of either of those things in the first place. I am damn tired of it. Salo was definitely the most unusual. Kvass was unusual too, a pleasant alternative to beer or soda.
MADELINE: I have to answer the "most unusual" first. Salo, for sure! I am still mindboggled at how we ended up ordering it, and how we ate it all! Best thing, other than the incredible food we had at the Georgian food place, was probably borsch. I could have eaten that every day. Worst? That's hard to answer because nothing we ate was inedible or really that bad.
BILLYBRONCO: I love all food. I was more than happy to eat all the dill that Daddy didn't want.

Question: How have your first impression/expectations of Ukraine changed? What impressions stayed the same?
STEVE: Well, for starters, the only taxi driver we needed was actually very helpful. The people here started off pretty cold (impersonal and unsmiling) but that changed once EURO2012 got started (soccer makes everyone smile). The country is beautiful though, and the more we saw the more I liked it.
MADELINE: Again, broken down by city: Kiev remains my least favorite city, although after going on the walking tours, I give it more credit; Kharkiv did not disappoint; Donetsk is probably my favorite city, but if I ever go back, I will probably never leave the area around Donbass Arena. :) Overall, Ukraine was beautiful and felt much safer than I expected it to be.
BILLYBRONCO: The beer is still too strong, but I was happy to find out that there were more open pastures and grasslands for me to play in once you got outside the capital city. And once I mastered Ukrainian I felt more comfortable around the people.

Question: What would you have done differently, if anything?
STEVE: I would've learned the language, or at least the basics. Also, I would've brought at least two friends so that more options are available (we could split off in groups of two if there is more than one suggestion).
MADELINE: I would've brought a phone. It would've made finding places much easier. Also, I would've learned the Cyrillic alphabet and I would've learned at least the basics in Ukrainian.
BILLYBRONCO: I would've gone out with the ladies more. I also wish we could've done some hiking/exploring nature here, but Mommy and Daddy were always too tired at the end of the day.

Question: How has this experience affected your marriage?
STEVE: I think it has helped us urther understand our strengths/weaknesses. It also makes me confident we can overcome any adversity - there were many moments where we disagreed on something or got frustrated, but we resolved all our issues civilly - no yelling, no blaming, no name-calling - we were able to get through everything without fighting about it.
MADELINE: I find that I am even more grateful for my husband, whose level-headedness got us through some frustrating situations. It also reaffirms how well we work together: my strengths are in areas that he is weaker in, and my weaknesses are where his strengths are. We make a great team and have been very patient with each other even in trying times. We've learned a lot about what irks us and I think getting through some of the things we've gone through will help us in the long run, as far as not letting our frustrations get in the way of being in love. :)
BILLYBRONCO: I feel very safe with Mommy and Daddy... They took good care of me and didn't let the security guards rip me open at Donetsk fan zone.

Question: What are some things that you learned about yourself that surprised you?
STEVE: That I can handle independence. I mean, I've always known I could take care of myself, but being in another country halfway around the world is different than just being away for college. It reaffirms that I don't need my parents anymore. (I still love you, though!) Last time I went to Europe, my mom took care of all the details and I just went with it. My wife fills that role now, so we don't need to rely on anyone but each other. It's nice being able to just be friends with your parents rather than have to be nice out of obligation (that sounds bad) because they're still taking care of you.
MADELINE: How easy it was to learn the Cyrillic alphabet! Once I stopped fighting it, anyway. The first week we were in Ukraine, I was so irritated that everything was in a different alphabet that I couldn't read; week two I think I started to subconsciously learn it; week three, I could translate pretty much anything written into verbal Ukrainian. Now if only I could translate the Ukrainian into English....
BILLYBRONCO: I didn't know I could be so adventurous! Also, I found out that I am a master of languages. Also, dill and parsley make great substitutes for hay.

Question: Advice/words of wisdom to any potential travellers to Ukraine?
STEVE: Learn the language or at least simple phrases, get familiar with the alphabet and write down key phrases so you can show people if you need help... Look for free tours because they are very helpful. Also, sleeper cars are pretty awesome, I highly recommend.
MADELINE: Take advantage of free tours!!! And learn the language (or at least the alphabet so you can read things... If I had focused, it probably would've only taken a couple of days to learn). And...... Pretty much everything Steve said. Also, bring a phone and make sure your computer or tablet will work on their internet (or get a converter of some kind).
BILLYBRONCO: Don't be afraid to just go out! But stick to main streets because it's safer. Also don't miss the parks and gardens; they are lovely.

Kiev's Second Chance.

I'm sure you all remember my less-than-fond recollection of our first stay in Kiev. I was not impressed. In hindsight, maybe I just went through my first experience with culture shock? Hmm. Don't know. But anyways, we were stopping in Kiev again for a few days before taking a sleeper train back to Warsaw for the rest of the EURO2012 tournament, so Kiev was given the second chance I otherwise probably wouldn't have granted it.

As it turns out, Kiev does have some good qualities.

Take kvass, for example. Spelled "kbac" in the Cyrillic alphabet, kvass is a typical Ukrainian beverage made from fermented rye. It is probably the only non-alcoholic beverage I've ever seen anyone drink here besides Orange Fanta. We tried it for the first time while strolling around downtown Kiev, and were surprised at how tasty it was. It tastes a bit like toast with honey, actually. It sounds weird to say that something tastes like toast, because really, toast is just bread, right? No. Kbac has that crusty, charry taste that is exactly how toast smells. That's the only way I can describe it to you. Toast. With honey. (And I love toast!)

Also, we tried what is, in my opinion, the best beer in Ukraine. The label is in Cyrillic, but if my translation is correct (which it may or may not be; I have come a long way in learning to read it), this beer is called "chyernigivska" (or something like that).

Then we found what we thought was an American restaurant called Route 66. It even had an American flag in it! (And Jack Daniels memorabilia EVERYWHERE.) But when we went inside, we found out it was a Ukrainian version of the American biker bar.

Sillyness.

We ordered another classic Ukrainian dish called holubtsi (although the "h" makes a hard "g" sound when Ukrainians talk), which was okay (very savory... like everything else here), Steve ordered a veal burrito (what??), and I ordered Ukrainian beef stroganoff which, incidentally, was made with pork.

And what better way to change a bad first impression of your city than to offer me not one, but TWO free walking tours???

WARNING: prepare to be photo-bombed.

The pictures above are of the monument (apparently referred to by the locals as "The Lollipop") where we met our tour guide; the base of the monument has the distances of every country's capital in kilometers from Kiev. Billy is pointing to Washington.

We paid a visit to St. Michael's Cathedral, which was painted blue, according to our guide, so that the blue and gold matched Ukraine's flag. There is a fountain in the cathedral courtyard (which is actually more of a birdbath, really, because there is no way for water to flow through it; it is more of a big stone basin) where, in order to bring luck to yourself, you must take a coin, wet it in the fountain (which a guy in our group poured his water bottle into since there was no water when we arrived), and make it stick on the bronze knobs on the side. That coin on the side? Yeah, I did that. I am a lucky gal. My wedding ring proves it. ;)

This hedgehog comes from a cartoon, and part of his story is that he is afraid of horses. Poor Billy was just trying to make a friend. :(

The bronze cat that Billy is sitting on apparently alerted a whole apartment building during a fire in the middle of the night. The cat died in that fire, but as thanks, the people of Ukraine put up a monument. Locals have since given that cat a girlfriend (in the tree) and a baby (made of forks?).

More pictures from around the city, including, of course, Olympic Stadium where the EURO2012 final will be held (in only a few days???), and Steve standing beneath a plaque that names him "President of Ukraine".

Okay, Kiev, you have redeemed yourself. Thank you for giving me some fond memories to look back on.

A Letter to a Nearby Mother.

Dear Lady-sitting-across-from-us-on-train,

I have a few words of advice for you.

#1: Please buy tickets for two train seats, not just one, when you bring your three year old kid with you. Were you really planning on keeping him on your lap for the 6.5 hours it took us to get to Kiev? Be realistic. Buy another seat. Your child is too old for that, not to mention too wiggly.

#2: Do not let said child fall asleep in someone else's seat when they go to the food car (which was right next to us). It is incredibly rude, especially when he comes back and you don't bother to wake your kid up and that guy has to go seatjack someone else because he is too polite to tell you that you are behaving so poorly.

#3: If you are sitting directly across from someone (me) and you are wearing a dress, do not fall asleep with your knees obscenely spread open. I don't care to see that, thanks.

#4: Do not let your child wear tiny, loose shorts with no diaper or underpants. We don't want to see his baby junk hanging out when he is sitting awkwardly in a seat that is not his own, and we definitely don't want to deal with the smell when he poops his pants while asleep in someone else's seat. That is just gross.

#5: Wear a tampon next time, and don't fall asleep. I feel so bad for the people who have to clean the messes that both you AND your child made on those two seats. I feel even worse for the people who have to sit in them next. Be thankful that ignorance is bliss.

That is all, I believe. Please take my words to heart, and act on them next time you board a train for a duration of this extent.

Sincerely,

Madeline

---

Note to self: do not take tiny children on public transportation, such as a train, plane, or bus, for a journey that lasts longer than half an hour. Because after thirty minutes, everyone around you instantly hates you for one reason or another. Better to take the car and avoid such embarrassment and animosity.

Nooooooo Internet

We head back to Kiev this afternoon and will be there for a few days. Kiev, aka land of no Internet :( so expect lots of updates on or around June 28th, when we get back to Warsaw.

Also, Steve laughed at me because when I typed :( in the above paragraph, I actually did make a sad face! Bahaha.

Madeline

So I've been following our blog because it is nice to know what I have been doing the past month, and there seems to be a whole lot of silly talk about how cool I am. Therefore, I'm going to hijack the blog and since Madeline is still asleep she can't do anything about it. First off Maddie planned pretty much the entirety of the trip and if it wasn't for her obsessive attention to detail, we would have never been able to almost miss our train, walk home in the middle of the night, nor eat raw bacon. So that being said the real hero of this trip is my beautiful beloved bride Madeline. And whatever else she has to say about me is just silly because she deserves more glory than I. I'm just a dude taking things in stride, she is the mastermind. Anyways, I love you sweetheart and don't erase this.

-Steve

Heritage Showdown.

We had our last game of EURO2012, the quarter-final match between Spain and France. The blog title alludes to the fact that Steve has some French blood in his and I have some Spanish blood in me (if you go back far enough). There were a lot of open seats at the stadium for this game, probably due to the fact that Donetsk is so far east (aka, away from the rest of Europe), which meant Billy got his own seat!

It was a good game, with Spain holding more possession than France. It was amazing to see so many famous faces up close, and I was stunned by the speed of play. Yeah, we all know that Spain is big on the possession/passing style, but on TV it looks slow and composed. In reality it is very, very fast-paced. The amount of control that these players have that you don't really experience or understand from watching the matches on tv is astonishing.

This is where we were!!!!

The picture makes it look like we were right behind the goal, but actually we were to the side of it. If you walked straight back from the corner of the six-yard box, you would walk straight to us.

Overall, very good game; I am very happy that Spain is moving on even though Puyol is not playing :( the only thing I could think about during the second half, when we were on Spain's defensive half, was "If Puyol was here, he would be right there!!! I could run out and hug him if I wanted to!!!"

Rowboats, Picnics, Raw Bacon, and Barking Dogs.

Our past two days of exploring Donetsk can be summed up with the following highlights:

Rowboats.
We took the tram out to the Donetsk fan zone area to explore a bit and ended up renting a little rowboat for an hour. You can partake in a little bit of our boating adventure here.:)

We also searched for food, and our search was unsuccessful because the only place we could find didn't have menus with pictures we could point to. Sad. But we did go to a little airsoft gun shooting range and Steve knocked some tiny things off ledges.

Picnics.
The area around Donbass Arena is gorgeous, so Steve and I decided to stop by the store to pick up some food for a picnic. The weather in Donetsk has been beautiful: in the eighties, breezy, clear skies. Steve took a silly awkward video of me during said picnic. One sad note about the picnic is that the roasted chicken and potato wedges we'd bought at the market were under-seasoned and very oily. Everything here is cooked in vegetable oil, and most of the time, food is dripping in this tasteless oil. Like our potato wedges.

After we ate, we went off in search of the army tanks again, and ended up finding ANOTHER huge park next to/on the property of Donbass Arena! Even funnier, we saw more brides! Not a ton, just two or three. But seriously. Why didn't we take OUR wedding pictures at a soccer stadium??? Poor planning on our part, I guess. :)

Also, there were these silly statues all over the place, including this group of cats,

and each group of figures had this sign:

We're still not really sure what that sign means. No petting the statues, maybe?

Also, here is a sweet video of me riding a chicken.

Raw Bacon.
Upon leaving Donbass Arena Park#2, we happened upon a little outdoor restaurant called Cafe Alfresco. Thinking we could use some refreshments, we sat down and ordered some (very cheap and very strong) cocktails and something called "Ukrainian Snack."

"Ukrainian Snack" must be the weird translation that really means appetizer sampler, right? Maybe we'll get some different kinds of dumplings or something. But no. This is what our waiter brought out:

You are seeing that correctly, folks. It is a plate of raw bacon!!!

I had read about a very traditional Ukrainian snack/dish/treat called salo before traveling to this country, but always figured "salted pork fat" would be something more like chicharrones, maybe, or the part of cooked bacon that melts in your mouth.

I was not expecting what you see above.

That, my friends, is a plate of raw bacon.

AND WE ATE IT ALL!!!!!

Not, before you freak out, let me assure you that while that pork fatback is raw, it has been salt-cured, which changes the pH levels in the meat (Steve can tell you finer details about that) so that bacteria growth is inhibited. [I am actually writing this post a few days later than the date claims, shh. But rest assured that the raw pork didn't kill us.]

However, it still felt and tasted EXACTLY like I would expect raw bacon to feel/taste.

As in, chewy and awkward and kind of gross.

BUT WE STILL ATE IT ALL!

And, as Steve pointed out, at least we accidentally ordered it at a fairly nice establishment (which has a real kitchen and is technically part of a swanky hotel in a really nice [and touristy] area) rather than at some hole-in-the-wall place in a dirty neighborhood.

So now we can say we have eaten what is arguably Ukraine's most popular, well-known dish.

Also, here is a whole eggplant that has been grilled and filled with butter. Yum.

Barking Dogs.
We went back to Cafe Alfresco that night to watch the quarterfinal match between Germany and Greece (and for the very cheap, very strong cocktails). We sat next to a group of German guys and thus Steve had a backup cheering squad handy as we observed Germany embarrass the crap out of Greece. The 4-2 scoreline doesn't show it, but Germany DOMINATED. Like, 80%+ possession of the ball domination.

And on our midnight two mile walk back to the hostel, a dog unexpectedly stuck its nose out from the corner of a fence as we walked by and started barking from a few feet away.

I didn't see it coming at all, and my immediate reaction was to run away screaming.

Steve then proceeded to laugh his pants off because he thought my reaction was HILARIOUS since it was a tiny little dog and it was behind a fence.

Jerk. <3

Park of Forget Figures.

No, that is not a typo. It is a mis-translation, because that's what it says on our map of Donetsk.

I would love to tell you all about the Park of FORGED Figures (well, okay, I guess it is a typo)(also, silly Steve originally took it as forged like "counterfeit" rather than forged like "a blacksmith made it" <3), but if a picture is worth a thousand words, then we took approximately 86000 words worth of pictures. Here are some of our favorites:

There were a bunch of EURO2012 sculptures, including this one which had a bunch of graffiti-ed signatures, so.... Of course I added our name, Hofferbers from USA! Steve was worried we would get arrested :P

I think we took more pictures in this park than in the rest of our Europe trip so far combined.

Two quick shoutouts to Hofferber men:

Scott aka PapaHofferber, we took this picture because it reminded us of the glass statue on your fireplace mantel, the one you refer to as "The meaning of life":

And to David (and any StarCraft fans):
Click here to watch this video we took!


And to everyone else, here is a silly video of us!

And a few more silly pictures:

:) and there you have it: The Park of Forged Figures.

Donetsk, Ukraine.